Australian Survivor Recap: Episode 26 THE FINALE

AHHHH IT’S FINALE NIGHT! Last night’s ep got me right back to CRAZY EXCITED again so let’s all cross our fingers and pray to the Survivor gods for a Jericho win and we can really go out with a bang.

Okay, there’s lots of recappy stuff obviously about previous players (and Luricho was revived so briefly!) but we are getting into it quick with an immunity challenge right off the bat. In fact, it’s the same one as last year when they have to stand on two uneven poles and hold onto a centre pole (you know, the one that had Kristie begging for a victory…) but with a twist. Oh shock, a twist. This time the challenge will be undertaken at NIGHT. As in, when the waves come, they can’t see ’em! That sounds…dangerous, but okay. Obviously this isn’t the most thrilling challenge to *watch* but eventually it turns dark and it gets real. Tara is struggling the most and crying a lot, but she hasn’t given up. She just has to hold on. After 2 hours and 50 minutes, she’s not looking great. These troopers both pitch in though and they talk to her and keep the conversation going to distract her (and themselves) from the pain. They pep her up, they distract her, she keeps up for a bit but she’s looking shaky. It’s amazingly lovely teamwork in a veryyy individual challenge where the stakes have never been higher. Unfortunately, it’s just not enough. She steps down at 2 hours 55 minutes.

It’s now between Jericho and Pete. Before we know it (easy for me to say) it’s been 4 hours! It’s cold, the waves are pelting them, but both boys look pretty good. Actually, no, at 5 hous now, and Peter might be crying but I can’t tell because of the waves and rain. His face is definitely wet. This shit looks intense. I don’t see anyone giving this one up like last year’s challenge. They go all the way to their absolute limit and Peter eventually steps down first, as Jericho struggles to then even move his legs and get down. The first thing he does is go right up to Peter, embraces him, and marvels at how well they both did. It is a surprisingly touching moment and my face is wet now too. I love this dude. He’s a class act. Give him the money.

Tribal Council

Okay somehow we are already at TC so I’m not sure how there is another 2 hours left of this…OMG hopefully tonight includes a reunion-y bit! Anyway. Jericho has “mad respect” for both Pete and Tara and rambles on a bit about who “deserves” to be in the final 2 to take with him to the end but, like, Luke is already on the jury so like, what even is the problem? It doesn’t matter who Jericho chooses now, he’s golden, right?! And even if there was one other very clear strong player over the other, has nobody learned from Colby’s mistake aaaaaall the way back from S2 (of the US version!)? Don’t make a (half) million dollar mistake guys! Who gives a shit who is a goat or not, you take who you can beat.

Time to vote.

Time to read the vote.

It’s Peter, he’s gone, he hugged JLP, it’s happened. Tara is in the finals. Let’s skip the next hour and just give Jericho the cheque, seriously.

Awe it’s time for the final 2 breakfast! We hear about Jericho’s family, his poor upbringing, and how he wants to win this to support his family. Again, IT’S DUSTY IN HERE AND ALSO MY FACE IS WET. I love Jericho and think he deserves to win, I really do, but when he starts banging on about “forming an army” with his cookie stash I almost fall out. I AM READY TO LOSE IT. The fucking cookies. Jericho, you’re a nice guy, a good player, and you had a solid alliance almost the whole way through. That’s enough. Tara on the other hand…Jericho “having it easy” doesn’t make him less worthy of winning. It makes him MORE worthy because he wasn’t always in the shit, he was playing a better game. DUH. Always scrambling and not having an alliance or being on the right side of the vote doesn’t make you a hustler, it makes you not in control of your game. And besides, Jericho has been getting the winner’s edit for weeks now so who cares.

FINAL TRIBAL COUNCIL

I really hope the jury gives them hell. It’s one of my favourite parts of the series, seeing how bitter and angry and personal people get in the final TC. Tara talks first and really tries to gloss over her fumbles in this game as positives. Including using Locky as a shield, Okay, that one was good. But then she talks about how she’s a fighter for going to fire-making but like…she didn’t have to make fire?? What a struggle. Meanwhile Jericho is coming out balls to the wall doing the opposite. He is like “yeah you thought I was a nice guy and that was my plan so I could slit your throats when it benefitted me” essentially. OMG BUT THEN HE TALKS ABOUT THE COOKIES AND HOW THAT IS WHAT SWUNG LUKE/HENRY/SARAH AS ALLIES. I can’t. I’m done with the cookies. Nobody cared about them that much Jericho! Geez. He comes back strong by emphasising his actual moves, his massive individual wins, and giving respect to the game of Survivor.

It’s interview time.

Michelle: What were the biggest moves of the game that you each made individually?

Tara: Taking Locky out. Sure, I planned to get him out 15 days earlier to have longer to prove myself, but he kept winning immunity soooo I failed at that big move too (Hint: having the intent to pull off a big move and never doing it is not the same thing as executing it)

Jericho: Using cookies to make people feel special and wanted. (OMG SHUT UUUUUUUUUP ABOUT THE COOKIESSSSS)

Anneliese: Jericho please rebut the assertion that you rode Luke’s coattails so I can give you my vote. Oh and Tara why…um…it was smart of you to ride Jericho’s coattails?

Jericho: He thought he was Santa but I had the whip. He was a reindeer. (That was not a joke, that was pretty much verbatim).

Tara: Yep, it was, I knew he would beat Pete and likely take me.

Locky: I am very proud of you Tara, even though you got me out. I’m nice like that. But also Jericho when we were swimming and bonding – was that genuine for you too or was it strategy? I love you bro please tell me it was real. (What a dumb waste of a question)

Jericho: That was one of my highlights. Let’s be friends. If I had a cookie I would give it to you. (That part was a lie but could’ve been real)

Ziggy: Why do you think your competitor should be the sole Survivor?

Jericho: She went from playing with her emotions to making big moves and playing hard.

Tara: He is pretty much a legend. Looks after camp, gets food, sleeps at the bottom of the hut, has a massive heart. (All true)

Jarrad: I have had to listen to all y’all’s bullshit for a very long time, bitching and moaning ever since the merge. What was a big move you were shitting yourself over or regret?

Jericho: Voting Tessa off the jury in case she was someone who may have actually vouched for me (Hint: she would have!)

Jarrad: Also don’t think I missed that shady shit when we promised to send each other a message at TC by underlining our votes and then you voted my ass out and did it to me. I will be sending you a message tonight too. (He’s so voting for Jericho, this will be cute)

Sarah: Are you like nice or not?

Jericho: Yeah but also, I faked it.

Sarah: Okay.

LUUUUUUKE! IT’S LUKE TIME! GO GET ‘EM LUKEY!

Luke: Tara good job, I don’t care about you. JERRY! People talk about coattails and shit but, like, we divided and conquered together. Me a bit more so (I am after all The King) but yeah just wanted to say that. Cool.

lol

Pete: *Tara cowers* It’s cooool girl. Just tell me what you did that was a key move.

Tara: Came out from Locky’s wing. Or something.

Pete: 3 words that describe your playing style.

Jericho: Adaptable, flexible…

Pete: They’re too similar. Try again.

Jericho: Adaptable, under the radar… (something else I didn’t catch because it was so boring and he went over the word limit anyway)

Henry: I am so amazing at everything at life I should have won I basically did my strategy started at Day 1 when I lied about about career (THAT WASN’T EVEN A STRATEGIC MOVE THAT CHANGED NOTHING), when did YOU start playing the game?

Tara: When Locky left.

Henry: Okay, you’re really bad at this so I’m gonna answer for you. Your social game got you here and you orchestrated Jericho getting there so he would take you. You did this. Now. Jericho. You made a dumb dope move by a) voting out someone who was a shield for you (me) and b) voting out Tessa who basically told you she would vote for you over Tara and then you brought Tara along anyway. What do you have to say for yourself?

Jericho: You know, you right. I own my mistakes but I also manouevred my way through this game so my name was never written down. I made shady side moves that blindsided people while also escaping the fray when I needed to. And I do have your blood in my hands. But I’m fine with that. That’s why I’m here and you’re there.

Henry: YAAAAAAAAS KWEEN YOU GOT MY VOTE (essentially).

Phew. That was quite a tribal. Let’s get these bitches voting and reunite dammit! JLP tells them this year is different to last once again, because the votes ain’t being read until they get back to Austraya! Last Friday they did it in fact. I fucking hope he arrives in a helicopter like Probst used to!

Nope. Just a boring old bush reveal. I mean, I enjoyed seeing him emerge from the bushes but it didn’t have quite the wow factor you know? Also – I know so many people who attended this finale and I will be looking for aaaall of them and seething in jealousy.

Now enough chit chat (although very good bow tie Jericho), please read the votes please now please JLP!

AH here we go!:

Jericho. I wonder if Tara will get any? Jericho. OMG. Tara. Oh thank god, that would’ve been awkward. Tara. Okay, that’s enough. Tara. UM. PLZ STOP. Jericho. Thank you, that’s better. Jericho. Aaaand there it is. JERICHOOOOO!!!!

Jericho is the winner of Survivor and is swamped by his family and his fellow castaways and OMG this is so exciting, I’m glad they filmed a finale this year. But it would’ve been even better if it was live, obviously. BUT YAY! Cue montage of cute montage of people saying how cute and lovely and awesome Jericho is while he talks about lying, cheating, and stealing and also having a bromance with Luke. Love it. All the moments where I thought “ah that is Jericho’s winner’s edit” were in there. Nailed it.

Now I know there’s a reunion, but there’s no need to recap a reunion. It’s like recapping a recap (I know, I did it with Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and it did not work out). All I will say is…the banter does not come easy to JLP. There’s so much to jump on but he’s just…not that quick. I wish I could jump in and follow up with questions myself goddammit. I got some things to say. But TBH I would probably just giggle at Luricho instead.

And I think that’s enough from me. Thank you for reading my recaps, I hope you enjoyed them even if you disagreed with me, it was a blast. And it was also very intense and very long (the season you dirty pervs), but it was always a blast. I love this bloody game. And it will always be a crowning personal achievement for me that Luke Toki himself liked my FB page, I hope he reads this and knows how grateful I am he was there to entertain me (fine, us), all season. Cheers to Luricho!

Image: Ten