Australian Survivor Recap: Episode 23

Despite being on the wrong side of a majority alliance, it seems proud Locky refuses to beg or hustle to stay in the game. He “promised” himself he wouldn’t and he will not debase himself. On Survivor. For half a million dollars. He is too proud. OMG GO HARD LOCKY. WHY GIVE UP NOW? YOU’LL BE MORE EMBARRASSED THAT YOU CAME SO CLOSE AND THEN DECIDED TO HALF-ARSE IT! Anyway, I guess he and Tara have broken up now. Until he wins immunity that is, and then I bet she’ll be hustling for a reconciliation. And there’s too much talk of him NOT winning this immunity for him to not actually win immunity tonight. And he’s obviously desperate. So if he doesn’t win, he needs an idol, or a fake one. And it’s lucky too, because idols can only be played for the last time when there’s 5 people left. There are 5 people left. So he rustles up an old “congrats, you found an idol!” thing and shows it to Tara, implying he does indeed have the idol.

But for someone who has been aligned with him the whole way through, how can Tara believe his idol clue so easily? It’s not like he showed her the actual idol. He showed her an old note and she’s like “OMG YOU GUYS LOCKY HAS AN IDOL” but even JERICHO is like “nahhhh bitch, he showed you a clue thing, thas not the same”. But then Michelle gets in on it, she’s convinced, Pete looks like he might start doubting himself…it’s bonkers. And we’re only 10 minutes in. Yessss.

OMG. AND it might be an episode with emotion. Jericho is a bit trepidatious around the ocean (and trepidatious is a word, look it up, as I made the person who tried to correct me do so also). So he hasn’t really headed too far into the water and has pulled himself back a lot while he’s been out there in Samoa. This is where Locky shows his very caring and human side and takes Jericho out there to snorkel and experience the beauty of the reef, while watching out for him and teaching him. I feel like crying. What an amazing moment to witness. Am I being too mushy about it? I have been in a weird mood in my feel feels for two days so it could be me being crazy. But I don’t think I am (in this case). And the strategic side of me is thinking “aw yeah if Locky wins immunity he could position himself into a very strong final 3 situation because nobody really wants to sit at the end with him”. Anyway, they are still building up this 4th immunity win very dramatically so let’s just get it over with.

Immunity Challenge

Ah yes, a classic. Survivors must stack blocks on a beam (with obstacles in the way of their lil legs) to create a long line of dominos and hit the target at the end. If they don’t space them correctly, them bitches won’t hit the target. I’m in a great mood, clearly. Also, there’s a reward behind a mysteeeerious curtain. The winner of this challenge will also win a car! A bloody car! A Holden, to be exact. And every true Survivor fan around Australia just caught their breath in their throat and hoped Locky would actually win this challenge. Why the change of tune? Because nobody in the history of Survivor has won the car and then gone on to win the game. Not ONE person. Even the most dominant players (hayyy Colby!). EVER. It’s the Car Curse. So Locky may be about to be cursed.

They launch into the challenge and it looks like Locky has some gap issues, opening the door for Peter and Tara to gain some ground. Peter has all his blocks laid out but are they spaced well enough for him to win?! No, they are not. Fuck. He has to start again because he knocks them all off the beam too. So now Jericho goes for it but I don’t want him to be cursed! Oop, and he loses it on the final block. Everyone else is back in this – which is why you never give up in a Survivor challenge! Oh, shit, now Locky is shooting his shot. And he misses. So does Tara. Jesus Christ. Didn’t these people ever play dominoes as kids? Michelle has been coming last and because everyone else messed up, she is now in front. She knocks them over…they fall…she gets it! She wins the car, but not the title of Sole Survivor.

Say #byebye Locky!

But first Michelle gets to go on a joyride and enjoy her car. And drive to a lovely picnic! I’m being transported way back to Survivor Outback (S2!) and the old-school days of Survivor rewards. Damn, talk about nostalgia. I might have to go back and re-watch some oldies. Anyway, she obviously gets to pick someone to go with her (Colby didn’t in S2 though – instead, he got a visit from his mum!) so she picks Jericho who was egging her on at the end. And as her extra pick, she chooses Tara. Duh. Gotta keep this one close. So Locky and Pete head back to camp to be sad (Locky was “thiiiiiiis close”, don’t you know? You should, because he said it 85 times). Locky is also heading back to pray that Tara will “work her magic” and get him through to the next round. Haha. Ahahaha. Aaaaaaahahahahaha. Oh you fool, why would she bother with you now?! She turned on you last night! Why would she go in with you when she can get your ass out, you massive threat? Dur.

While the others are off enjoying their reward, Jericho proposes a new Final 3 situation (with the 3 of them, obviously, not with some other rando and excluding someone who’s sitting right there) and in order to maintain some semblance of mysterious anticipation in this episode, Michelle pretends to think about not voting Locky out. Sooooooo she’s considering putting herself on the bottom with Locky when she’s currently sitting pretty in a top 3 situation regardless of whether they bring in Tara or not. SUUURE, LINDA. Also, apparently snorkelling together is enough to convince Jericho to work with Locky too. NO WAY, BARBARA. Locky even tells him that it would be the best move for Jericho to take him out, but that the jury “wouldn’t respect” Jericho getting rid of a “great player” over a “goat” like Pete. AS IF, JAN. Isn’t that what one might call “a Big Move” and therefore, totally respected by the jury? Wouldn’t everyone on the jury be cheering if they finally got rid of the mammoth challenge threat that is Locky who they were gagging to get out all along too? Answer: yes they would.

Locky then tries it on with Michelle! He tells her to let them all vote for him, he doesn’t care, whatever, he has an idol, throw them his way and then see what happens. Why would she give a shit though? She’s safe either way. Even if he did possess this fake idol and the vote ricochets off to someone else, it STILL ain’t gonna be her, and she’s STILL solid with her other 2 people. It makes no sense for anyone to switch with him. None. There is no advantage in aligning with Locky at this point. In my opinion.

Also, help me, I can’t stop eating Haigh’s chocolate frogs that my brother brought me from Adelaide that I’m pretending are Harry Potter chocolate frogs.

Tribal Council

TC quickly turns into a yucky conversation about Peter being a goat. And I get why they are trying that tact. But Pete is actually pretty strategic, cluey, and always has the right instincts. He has made it through without winning every single immunity challenge and without flying off the handle irrationally like Michelle. And then Tara thinks she sooooo insightful by breaking down the goat metaphor, because really, these kinds of people they’re talking about are more like sheep. Oh shut up, Tara. Pete decides to deflect by telling the jury about Locky’s fake idol that he refused to show him because it would be a “Big Move” to keep it hidden until he’s in front of the jury. Ummmmm no. If you’re on the bottom and you have an idol, you fucking pick up that idol, you hang it around your neck, and you go “suck shit motherfuckers, try me!” Or something.

Time to vote!

Surprise, nobody has an idol to play. Locky looks very sheepish. See what I did there?

Time to read votes!

Peter. Locky. Peter. Locky. Yaaaas. Locky. There it issss.

He is FIIIINALLY gone. Finally. Good. Now hopefully Jericho can take this thing out. And I will try not to take myself out over how long they are draaaaaagging this season out. In the regular seasons of course when it’s down to 6, it all ends that night. You get some challenges, two people voted out, a Final 3 Tribal Council, the final vote, and the reunion. So we should have theoretically ended this season last night. Alas, we have one week to go. So see you then dudes!

Image: Tenplay