Oscars 2017: SCALPED

There’s no other way to describe it, I was scalped by these awards yesterday. Just like Janelle Monáe. Ask anyone in my office. I lost my DAMN mind. Sure, a lot of it was not positive (click here if you missed all the Fuck Shit), but the rest of it was damn near glorious. I remembered what pure joy felt like, and it was gooood.

The Good Shit

Mahershala Ali, Total God

I shouldn’t need to tell you how devotedly I love Mahershala Ali. But in case you’re wondering, I do. I was rooting for him and I screamed when he won and then collapsed back into my chair fanning myself because “Extra” is my middle name. I was completely overcome with emotion and so unreservedly happy for him that I didn’t even realise the significance of his win as it was happening – the first Muslim actor to ever win an Oscar. As part of an all-black, LGBTQ film. IT IS MIND-BLOWING. And completely wonderful. You can watch his speech here, and be sure to note how he makes an effort to go back and shake Jeff Bridges’ hand on his way to the stage. Not only is the man fine as FUCK but he is full of grace, humility and a whole lot of talent. I hate that this moment was tarnished moments later by Douchey Kimmel mocking his name but nevertheless, I am so happy this moment even happened. He deserved it.

Image: Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP via Pattayamail
Image: GQ


Viola Davis, Queen

Finally, after becoming the most nominated African American actress in history, Queen Viola won her Oscar last night, as she should have. Giver of the most amazing acceptance speeches of all time (click to see: Globes 2017, Emmys 2015, SAGs 2015 but really, just look up ANY Viola acceptance speech – there are rightfully many), and this year was no exception. Watch here and feel all the feels. Ooh, I was a mess. I mean…a MESS. I had even worn winged eyeliner to work yesterday because LOL what an idiot. She was also one of my best dressed of the night. Every damn element of her gown is perfection and so is she. Look at her glowy skin! The great arm drape detail! The sculptured tailoring! The gown in itself is art and she elevates it even beyond. I am in awe of Viola Davis.

Image: Frazer Harrison/Getty Images via ET Online
Image: NY Times



The Best Picture last night was the first to win with an all African American cast. It had the first African American director to win Best Picture. It was the first LGBTQ film to win Best Picture. It was obviously monumental. Writer Tarell Alvin McCraney dedicated the win, “to all those black and brown boys and gender non-conforming who don’t see themselves; we are trying to show you.” Ooft. I was openly weeping on top of the fact that my heart was racing after what had just happened. I was indignant with rage, I was pissed, I went to turn off the TV and then I just lost my fucking shit with joy, as did the cast and crew (to be expected). I can’t remember the last time I was so fucking happy at an awards show. It really, really felt like a WIN you know? In this weird and crazy and slightly scary time, it’s so important for films like these to not only be made but also to win massive awards like this. It legitimises different stories and different human experiences and hopefully tells The Powers That Be that people WANT to see diversity on the silver screen (see: box office smash Hidden Figures) so they should keep MAKING them. Shit, this was a tiny indie with a $1.5 million budget, imagine what else can be accomplished when there’s money behind it! Traditionally, the safest bets have been those films with white actors, white experiences and tropes that have become common/accepted. A film about a young gay black teen doesn’t scream widespread appeal but it opens up our world and tell an important human story. It doesn’t have to be relatable to everyone, but it can be enjoyed by anyone. And it will be treasured and appreciated by so many.  I really, really wish their moment hadn’t been tainted in the slightest, but in the end, the right film won. Now can we forget that other shit-fest mess and just celebrate Moonlight?

Oh and in case you missed their speech, you can watch it here. You’re welcome.

Image: GQ
Image: Kevin Winter/Getty Images via abcnews
Image: Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP via pattaymail


Dual Best Dresseds

Taraji and Janelle are my overall best dresseds of the night, but damn if the Hidden Figures ladies aren’t all the most delightful humans on the planet. You can tell these women adore each other – from the moment they see each other on the red carpet, to how they interact throughout the show and just generally how bloody happy they always are for each other. OMG I wish I could hang out with them just one time but I would probably be too intimidated by greatness to even be able to speak anyway. I would happily just listen to them if Taraji would let me just…be there. Weirdly, Hidden Figures got like no love at the Oscars but these three get alllllll my love, for what that’s worth. I MEAN LOOK AT THEM! You can’t be sad when you see them! Also I’m not actually even sure if it’s fair to pit anybody against Janelle really – her outfit was beyond amazing. It should have gotten it’s own post. Every tiny detail has been thought out and executed to perfection. I almost can’t believe it was Elie Saab. Also was it supposed to be sliiiiightly evocative of this iconic Elie Saab, worn by the ONLY African-American Best Actress winner, ever?

Image: Frazer Harrison/Getty Images via ET Online
Image: Noel West for The NYT
Pictured with THE Katherine Johnson! Image: Kevin Winter/Getty Images


Best Co-Stars and Best Friends

Presented without comment.

Dev with his super proud mum! Image: Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP via Indian Express
Sunny being beyond adorable. Image Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP via Indian Express
Dev being proud and excited while Sunny is being Sunny i.e. SO FUCKING CUTE. Image: Shutterstock via Harpers Bazaar
Dev making sure Sunny is all buttoned up on the red carpet. Image: AP via Harpers Bazaar


Justin Timberlake LOST

Ahahahahaha. Hahahaha. Ahahahahaha. PHEW. “Academy Award Winner Justin Timberlake” does not exist, thank god. I don’t even care that a La La Land song won, though I would have preferred a win for Lin-Manuel Miranda, obviously. He would have been the youngest EGOT (Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony) recipient of all time too! Eh, doesn’t matter. He’ll get there sooner or later (probably sooner). Now please enjoy how excited and adorable he looks attending with his proud mum, as I refuse to look at JT’s doucheface for a second longer than necessary.

Image: Getty via ET Online


I’ve Made It

When Shirley MacLaine came onstage, I couldn’t get this out of my head. Go ahead, click the link and have a read. I’ll wait. Please come back. Are you back? Anyway I tweeted about it (because I live tweet awards shows, judge me all you want) AND JESSICA BLOODY WILLIAMS LIKED IT. That’s it really, I knew I’d made it and would be okay no matter what else happened after that. It just so happened a bunch of good shit happened! (See above.)