The 68th Emmy Awards 2016 aka The One With No Lemonade

Happy Emmys day! Awards season isn’t quite upon us, and I normally disagree with most “wins” at the Emmys but I do love a red carpet event. Even if Beyoncé was conspicuously absent and Lemonade won ZERO awards. See? It’s difficult to take the Emmys seriously.

I know you’ve been waiting for my thoughts of the goooowns with bated breath but that has to wait. Let’s recap this shit-show first and get the awards out of the way. And yes, this was pretty much live-recapped and it is an almost-incoherent stream of consciousness! Welcome! It’s kind of my thing here.

The Highlights

  • Aziz Ansari and Alan Yang very deservedly won the Emmy for Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series for ‘Master of None.’ In particular, for the episode Parents. I am so, so happy for them. I wept in this episode and felt like a garbage child but I loved it so much. So shit that Aziz didn’t even have time to thank his hilarious parents but at LEAST they won.
  • I can’t say anything about Jill Soloway’s speech for directing a comedy series (‘Transparent’) other than WATCH IT.
  • Ditto Jeffrey Tambor for proclaiming that he “would not be unhappy were [he] the last cisgender male to play a female transgender [individual] on television” like the BOSS he is.
  • With so much attention on her in the lead up, Sarah Paulson DID win Best Actress in a Mini-Series or Movie and FINALLY got her big moment! Yaaaaay! This definitely feels like Sarah’s “time” doesn’t it? Fiiiiinally. Loved her apology to Marcia Clark and the sweet shout-out to Holland Taylor also who tweeted the cutest message back at her. One of my fave couples <3
  • Loved that ‘Last Week Tonight’ won Best Variety Talk Series as John Oliver is single-handedly NAILING the election coverage + every other fucked up issue this year with the absence of Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert (as we know and love him) on the scene. I’m going off-topic here. But I’m very happy about this win! Watching John’s press conference afterwards, I am even happier for him. So humble, gracious and engaging with the reporters present – Jennifer Lawrence may want to watch this and take notes…
  • I am genuinely (happily) shocked that Rami Malek won Best Actor in a Drama Series. Not because he doesn’t 100% completely deserve it, but because the Emmys actually acknowledged him in the year that it is most relevant and not 5 years down the track for the final season of the series or whatever (see: Kyle Chandler for ‘Friday Night Lights’ and Jon Hamm for ‘Mad Men’). Rami Malek’s cousin is also increasingly adorable, filming him with her phone from the audience and cheering the loudest. I love her. More of her!

Ahem. 

  • Jimmy Kimmel.
  • Heading into the Best Actress in a Comedy Series category, I read this headline: “Tracee Ellis Ross is the first black lead comedy actress nominee in 30 years” so…that’s depressing. But also, she better effing win because ‘Blackish’ is everything and Julia Louis Dreyfuss has already won this for 100 years in a row and OMG YEP SHE JUST WON IT AGAIN. WHAT. EMMYS. WTFFFF. God, even she looks over it. We get it, Veep is great. We got it 5 years ago. We all get it! Let’s maybe acknowledge some other fantastic work by JLD’s peers?
  • Yaaaaas Best Actress in a Drama Series and SURELY TARAJI HAS TO WIN FOR EMPIRE THIS YEAR. Nope, Tatiana Maslaney for ‘Orphan Black’. Both of which I love btw. But maybe she deserved to win this award 2 years ago instead. (Though I did particularly love how she thanked ‘the cast’, when, like, she IS the cast). For the record, my boy Chris is very happy “Tatty” won. I know, it’s crazy, we have different opinions and yet I’m able to see past that and remain friends with him. He’s welcome.
  • This immediately said to me that Dame Maggie Smith would probably then win Best Supporting Actress in a Drama Series for Downton Abbey. Unfortunately, I was right. IS IT 2010? Others in this category included Emilia Clarke, Maisie Williams and Lena Headey all nominated for a little series called ‘Game of Thrones’. All whose work one might say was slightly more notable than DMS’s in Downton Fucking Abbey (no disrespect, love the woman, love the show, but it is largely irrelevant in 2016).
  • And finally – Directing for a Variety Special. Laverne Cox was presenting and she was excited because she rationally believed she was about to present this award to Beyoncé. She wanted to present to her so bad and I wanted/expected her to also. ‘Lemonade’ was one of the most visually stunning and emotionally powerful work of art of the year. And…it lost to ‘Grease Live’. LEMONADE. LOST. TO. GREASE. LIVE. Let that sink in for a minute. The film that appeared out of nowhere and blew everyone’s collective scalps off worldwide lost to Grease Live. THE MOST IMPORTANT WORK OF THE YEAR LOST TO GREASE LIVE. As some wise person on Twitter observed, Laverne thought she was about to present an Emmy to her Queen B and instead…two white guys. How RUDE. No wonder B didn’t turn up. The *disrespect*.

Aaaaand just like that, I tapped out. I don’t really know what else happened but that was one too many strikes for the Emmys today. There was no coming back from this. I mean. Super on the pulse, Television Academy. Maybe these members should, you know, watch some new television next year.

The Clothes!

I mean, that’s why you’re here isn’t it? If you made it through all that, congrats, let’s talk about the fun stuff and wash away the ‘meh’. Unfortunately, there were no real WOAH shockers today and anyone less than fabulous wasn’t a trainwreck so I didn’t bother.

rami-e-getty
This guy. I mean. I think I’m a little bit in love with him, not to mention his style. Rami Malek is beautiful and #bringingit in white Christian Dior.
I don't know if I'm being a weirdo here but something about be is unfailingly loyal to Amanda Peet and I weirdly like this. So sue me.
I don’t know if I’m being crazy here but something about me is unfailingly loyal to Amanda Peet and I weirdly like this. So sue me.
kerry-emmys-2016-all-the-red-carpet-looks-ss21
Yep, as Laverne Cox squealed OMGKERRYSPREGNANTAGAIN! Kerry Washington is indeed very pregnant! And she chose a wonderful black sleek dress with cutouts on the side and it isn’t extra and it isn’t tacky and it isn’t OTT, it is perfect. Her hair in all it’s natural glory is also a standout. God I love her. (And her OPI range! Does anyone have this yet? I already want like 4 shades, they look amazing.)
Do I even need to say anything about the Stranger Things cast? They slaaaaayed the red carpet.
Do I even need to say anything about the Stranger Things cast? They slaaaaayed the red carpet.
Okay, it's no black mesh Alexander Wang from last year, but have you ever seen anyone wear yellow so well? (Other than Michelle Williams that one time). She could have turned up in a burlap sack and turned up in this list.
Okay, it’s no black mesh Alexander Wang from last year, but have you ever seen anyone wear yellow so well? (Other than Michelle Williams that one time). She could have turned up in a burlap sack and turned up in this list.
Ok, yes, Kiki has done something very similar before but I still love her in this Givenchy. I love the finger waves, the red lips and the perfect use of sheer as a concept.
Ok, yes, Kiki has done something very similar before but I still love her in this Givenchy. I love the finger waves, the red lips and the perfect use of sheer as a concept.
Viola Davis is resplendent in fuchsia with a matching lip to boot. She looks so happy and fresh and glowy and I am reminded that I haven't caught up to 'How to Get Away With Murder'. Add it back to my list.
Viola Davis is resplendent in fuchsia with a matching lip to boot. She looks so happy and fresh and glowy and I am reminded that I haven’t caught up to ‘How to Get Away With Murder’. Add it back to my list.
Ho-ly shit. This has to be one of my favourite red dresses of all time (second only to JLaw's Baywatch number at her first Oscars). Alexander Wang did Tatty good!
Ho-ly shit. This has to be one of my favourite red dresses of all time (second only to JLaw’s Baywatch number at her first Oscars). Alexander Wang did Tatty good!
GREAT white gown on my girl Tracee. She is amazing. I don't even know why I like this so much other than she elevates a 'nice' dress to something cool because she is SO damn cool.
GREAT white gown on my girl Tracee. She is amazing. I don’t even know why I like this so much other than she elevates a ‘nice’ dress to something cool because she is SO damn cool.
Aaaaaand my favourite of the whole night. One of my favourite dresses just in general. Sarah Paulson did very, very, VERY well for her big night. This Prada gown makes for a stunning emerald moment. It is structured and textured with pretty green paillettes all over and stunning art deco earrings. I die.
Aaaaaand my favourite of the whole night. One of my favourite dresses just in general, ever. Sarah Paulson did very, very, VERY well for her big night. This Prada gown makes for a stunning emerald moment. It is structured and textured with pretty green paillettes all over and stunning art deco earrings. I die.

All in all, a largely underwhelming Emmys. The clothes were nice, the winners somewhat meh (apart from a few standouts) and a host whose jokes flopped more often than they landed. I call it a wash!

Images: Vanity Fair/Getty Images, abc